hatred

you strive to hard to achieve perfection.
you fail to remember that this imperfection determines what life is all about.
i can never be perfect, im not a perfectionist, i know my weakness.
i know i can never be the daughter you want me to be.
but be thankful i am who i am rather than having someone else who is worst of.

maybe there is a reason why im overseas, and maybe i should decide to settle down there for good. for your sake and mine.

there would be absolutely no reason for me to keep trying to be patient with you and just nod and agree to what you've got to say.
these 21 years. . . .has been a tiring journey. I pray to god to give me the strength and patience, trying hard not to retaliate and what not. But, there is a limit to everything. I guess the best way is to keep a distance.

don't blame me for this distance, blame it to urself. since young, all ive face up with was your tantrum, your vulgar words, your violence, your forceful ways of getting me to get something done.

Ive tried hard enough to please you. .pardon me, but for this 21 years, ive never felt the fatherly love that other daughters experience. you can't try to patch things up with your daughter my mere hugging and kissing when she's back at the airport. It's too late now. I've learnt how to live without you as hatred for you grew over time.

what you see is not what you get. .in every smiles, lies an unshed tear and an untold story.

*sigh.
PS: gemok. . . .i wish you were here. looking forward to see you again in feb. xoxo.